just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
no, he came in my armpit
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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