fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
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Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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