remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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