yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
