im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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