Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I need to align my fucking chakras
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
