What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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