Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
