I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
