Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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