There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There r osticjed everywhere
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
