I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
