8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
