We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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