Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
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All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
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The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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