I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just had sex on a roof
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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