This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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