This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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