he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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