I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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