Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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