i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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