who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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