Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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