ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
