Sry I called you an 8
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
