oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
