how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
