Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
