I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
