I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
