I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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