nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
