Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
