I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
