you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
