New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize