Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
