I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
