I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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