Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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