My underwear smells like fireworks.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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