I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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