No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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