Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She bit a glass in half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize