I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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