Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
