Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize