My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
