Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
whose parrot is this?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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