Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
try to milk me bitch
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