your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
