During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
