And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
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He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
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Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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