it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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