Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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