Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
