Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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