Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
